the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
