So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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