I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
