i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
