No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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