Where is the hickey?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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