He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
