i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
