we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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