He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
