The maid of honor just puked.
Porn is love you can see.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
