What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Farmville is her only friend.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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