The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize
