she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
