If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
