theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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