Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize