she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
