Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
