okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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