We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
