My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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