Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
