It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
