god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
