whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
