I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
