is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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