im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
