The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
