a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
