can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
