do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
