and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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