: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
