I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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