I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
