How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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