i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize