my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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