I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
