So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
