Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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