Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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