in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
