Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
