My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
