As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize