i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Is Oprah even human
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
