All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
