You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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