just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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