When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i can't believe i had my finger in that
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
