My room smells like vodka and shame
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
