I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
