Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just high enough for therapy.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize