are you so shy because you have an std?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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