I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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