Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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