Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
