I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
