At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
