as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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