i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
