what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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