I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
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