True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
