i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
