none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
