If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
